Cleaning House the Correct Way

I received a request from Sam wanting information on housekeeping. So here is what the Queen of Picky has to say about housekeeping.

To begin, a house is considered “not cleanable” unless you have the following supplies and use them. First on the list is bleach and it must be Clorox followed closely by Heinz vinegar. Lysol spray is important to have because you have to spray your toilet, bedroom waste basket and kitchen can daily.

Your front door must be hosed down at least weekly. A dusty front door is a reflection of a dirty house. The front mat and door handle should be clean and the doorbell area spotless. It is just plain bad luck to have a dirty entrance. You need to have your windows washed with vinegar and soap at least 4 times a year. Dirty windows are a sure sign of laziness. If you have potted plants in the front area they have to be real and not silk. Silk flowers are tacky and belong in West Virginia or Juarez. All plants that can be seen by passersby must be well watered and trimmed.  People who let their front or back lawn grow too long are Lazy. Too long is anything about 1.5 inches this comes from Pampa Ben. Every house should have at least one rose bush. A person who grows roses is considered educated and refined. Lazy people do not have rose bushes because, well, they are lazy!

A picky person always has a clean entry area. You always need to have an entry mat or visitors or yourself will track in dirt. This mat needs to be vacuumed every week or more often if it gets dirty.
There are no magazines, newspapers or mail that can be seen by visitors. It is also best that you not buy magazines or papers because they accumulate and make unpleasant piles. Reading is a vice because it keeps you from doing constructive activities like cleaning or yard work, locking yourself in the bathroom to read is not an option. You should never lock yourself in the bedroom or bathroom because it means you are doing something forbidden. (It took me years to figure out this one.)

The kitchen is a very important room in the house. The counters should always be cleared and cleaned with a solution of dish soap and vinegar. All surfaces should be cleaned with this solution unless you can use bleach. Bleach is the best. Never leave a dish cloth wadded up. All dish clothes should be left to hang dry or they will get rancid. Rancid dish cloths are any cloths that have been left on the counter and not hung to dry.  Never leave food on the counter or you will get ants. Always keep your flour, sugar and cereals in containers or you will get weevils. What is a weevil? It is a nasty little bug that grows in food if you don’t store it correctly. Flour always gets weevils so always have a spare bag. The shelves in your cabinets have to be lined with contact paper. You have to do this or your dishes will smell like wood and won’t be clean. How you should organize your kitchen shelves and pantry is too long to itemize here. There are so many specific rules about this I will not list them unless there is a special request that I do so.

The bathrooms have to be cleaned with bleach. Every surface needs to be disinfected. The mirrors are cleaned with Windex, has to be Windex no other brand will work. There has to be furry covers on the toilet tank and toilet lid. A picky person does not have a naked toilet. The rugs in the bath should match these covers. The ordinary towels are changed weekly. One should have special visitor towels and should not be used unless you are a visitor. A picky person never ever leaves a towel on the floor or counter. This is a sure sign of laziness. The absolute worse thing a person can do is leave a wet, wadded up face cloth anywhere in the bathroom. Any towel found in this condition must be washed in hot water with bleach because it has germs. Never have a clothes hamper in the bathroom because the clothes in the hamper will get rancid. A bathroom is a damp place where dirty people get clean so you must be vigilant about not leaving anything wet that can get rancid.

Every bedroom has to have a floor mat by the bed so that you can wipe your feet before getting into bed and dirtying the sheets. You also have to have lamps because if it is dark you can’t see the dirt that has to be cleaned. The windows have to have blinds and curtains. The blinds need to be dusted or vacuumed every week. The curtains need to be changed every season along with the bedspread. The window in the bedroom has to be left open about an inch most of the time because the activities one has in the bedroom leave an odor. Also because of these activities the sheets have to be changed every week and hung out in the sun unless you used bleach.

I could go on and on about housekeeping, but suffice to say: just use bleach. As an example, my house is not clean because I don’t use bleach. I have had to allow the Lysol spraying even if it means I get a headache, cough and get watery eyes. Pickiness is a virtue and not easy. The more you suffer to keep your house and yard clean the more you will be rewarded with approving glances by passersby and visitors. Remember a picky person is always worried about what other people will think.

As always
Alice