April and Mental Capacity plus Home Care Decision

4/7/2010

I know I haven’t sent any updates lately. It is because Mom’s mental capacity continues to deteriorate so I don’t have positive news to report. I don’t know if it is more mini strokes or just the advance of Alzheimer’s. I take her out almost every day, but it is getting harder and harder because she wants to buy everything (food) she sees and doesn’t believe she already has it. She hasn’t thrown a full blown tantrum yet, but close. Her small Dr. Pepper cans have been discontinued at fry’s and it’s going to get ugly if I can’t find them. At this point she is refusing any other size. I won’t weigh you down with more details, but please continue to call and speak with her.

After interviewing the first home care company I decided not to enroll. Now after two weeks of hard thinking I have interviewed another representative of a company called Home Helpers. I was able to “connect” easier with Nicole Owens and, for some unknown reason, relaxed and decided the time has come. Home care is not cheap. Here are their prices: 4 hrs or more $21-25, 1.25-3 hrs $21-26, 12 hr. shifts $190, Continuous care $280 per day. Holiday rates are 1.5 times the regular rate. Nicole also explained that they are prepared for “emergency last minute” calls and are able to have someone here within an hour’s notice. This company does not have a 3 hour minimum as did the other. I can get them for a shorter time if needed.

I had hoped to avoid having to use an agency, but she has now reached the point that I cannot leave her alone even if she thinks I can. Since all home helpers are thoroughly investigated and bonded and covered by liability and workman’s compensation, they are the way to go. I have to be able to trust the person caring for mom and know they are qualified to handle anything that could come up. I hope that having someone else around her every other week for 3 hours or so will be a nice break for her. Her only outside contact is with you by phone. I also hope that it does not confuse her further. She still speaks in the plural: todos, la otra, ellos, la que me hiso. I remind her all day long that it is only me and Lynn and no one else.

I keep pushing the issue of her house out of my mind. I plan to get myself girded by June and get over there and clean it out and ready it for sale. I am also fairly sure that by June I will be able to leave mom for a week or so and get this done. Right now she would want to go with me and that would be a big mistake. On one of her good days it would be okay, but her good days are numbered and unpredictable. Selling her house will be a relief and will help pay for her care.

I was told about a VA Aid and Attendance Benefit that may pay benefits for Mom’s care. The documents and information I have to supply is daunting. I have to find stuff like mom’s marriage certificate and dad’s Original military discharge papers plus more and more stuff. Nothing like providing a benefit and requiring one to supply documents 30 or more years old.

5/18/2010

I know, I know, I haven’t written or kept in touch lately. Life is getting way more difficult and challenging and I hate to communicate when I don’t have anything positive to report.

Mom is losing touch with reality a bit more every day. I had to write to you today when I realized waiting was not going to make the news any better. Today she asked me what the plans for mom were. I told her she was mom. Then she asked if I was Alice or the other one. This is not a game with her. She actually doesn’t know who I am all the time and she definitely wants Lynn to be 2 different men. Nothing satisfies her. She goes into her past and wants food and surroundings to be the same as they were then. She turns up her nose at every meal unless it is a hamburger from In and Out burgers. I’ve literally tried everything I can think of to make for her to eat with the same raised nose results. (Consequently I now hate to cook) She will stay in bed all day unless I manage to entice her to get up and get dressed. She will get up and get dressed if it means going grocery shopping or clothes shopping. Unfortunately, there is nothing left to buy. She has new clothes she hasn’t worn yet and don’t even mention the amount of food she has insisted on collecting. (We are ready for Armageddon)

I could continue, but I think you can understand her mental state. Her last appointment with her Cardio revealed that she now has normal blood pressure and her heart is beating like the band. All of her other systems are working fine and all she can focus on right now is that her ankles swell and her upper lip (where her cancer was removed) hurts when she bites hard food or brushes her teeth. She will be NINETY in July. Laura came for a short visit and at almost 75 she shows similar signs as mom, though not as debilitating. She is not very healthy physically, but I think I can only handle one at a time.

It is a roller coaster ride everyday. She drifts in and out of reality and is sometimes childlike and other times very angry. It is what it is.

I haven’t been back to the Neurologist or researched further into places where she will get better care when the time comes. I dread going to El Paso and cleaning out her home. So . . . I guess it’s time to put my big girl panties on and get motivated. If any of you have any motivation to spare, send me some.

The love of my life (pet wise that is) Riley has refused to eat. I’ve tried everything! He went from a 3-4 can a day cat to three licks and stops. His blood work is perfect and he has no signs of any illness. This means I have to begin to force feed him to re-awake his appetite.  I pick up the food syringe today and special food that should make him eat on his own again. I hate having to do that, but cats are different than any other animal. If they don’t eat their liver shuts down and then they slowly . . .  ya know. I can’t even write it.

I have hopes that the next time I write, I can be more upbeat and positive. I really feel that way deep inside, it’s just hiding right now.